Susan Banghart

Still No Juice

I’m struggling to work. I stare at the words and feel dried up inside. Is it the depressing news? Nothing but doom and gloom. The Haiti disaster is overwhelming all by itself.  I did read an uplifting post on Sarah’s blog  ( Sarah Davies, Greenhouse literary Agency). She met Miep Gies, the woman who saved Anne Frank’s diary, along with Anne’s father and step-sister.

Can you imagine meeting those people? I’d hope if I did, I’d have the good sense to keep my mouth shut and listen. What can you say in their presence that would be worth missing their wisdom? When the Haitians who endured this earthquake grow old, what will they teach us? Will someone keep a diary that transcends the suffering and promises humanity will endure?

Anne didn’t survive but her writing carries her message into eternity. She wrote as a young girl, dreaming about a future she knew she might not see. She wrote as a writer, chronicling her family’s experience in that horrible war. Her words offer us a chance to be better people.

We Take Life For Granted

I can’t find my creative spirit . A writer friend just died. The Haiti situation grows more horrifying by the day. I’d love to dive into my story world and shut the sadness out for a while but when I try to work, my mind feels empty.

I watched the Golden Globe awards this week. One of the actors said we need entertainment now more than ever. Our minds need an escape from hardship and heartache. We are so privileged to have the option of turning on the TV and tuning out. To plop down in comfortable furniture in our climate controlled homes…eating and drinking without thought.

The economic situation seemed so devastating until the earthquake last week. Now our lack pales in comparison.

2010

I can’t believe last year is gone. Pfft! Just like that. Facing a new calender means admitting I didn’t reach some of my goals for 2009. The biggest one being finishing the revision on my first book. I didn’t even come close to that one. I actually laughed when I found my New Year’s resolutions shortly before December ended. Among them was a nice list of things that would make Christmas easier. Too bad Christmas had passed!

There are one or two accomplishments I can be proud of last year. I celebrated my first anniversary in my critique group. That measured up to one year of significant learning. I finished my first entry to a respected writing contest and mailed that off January 1st. I spent the last two months trying to learn how to write a synopsis. Hopefully I’m on track to send that out in February with a 2500 word writing sample for the 2010 SCBWI Work-in-Progress Grant contest.

So, all in all, I guess the good balances the bad. Life is like that, isn’t it? Successes rarely heap together and they say bad things happen in threes. I’m grateful when they stop at that number. It’s a new year. The calender is full of empty spaces…possibilities. Here’s hoping we fill them with moments of bliss and satisfaction. Happy writing everyone.

Yay! Wait — Say What?

I recently signed a contract for my first publication, a very brief story about my grandmother for Guideposts magazine. I was thrilled when they accepted my manuscript. I expected editing, but I admit to being disappointed when they sent their verison of my story for approval. I understand the changes they made, but it was hard to swallow. The story appeared in the November issue. It now reads like a letter.

My first published piece isn’t something I’ll show off, but I learned from it. Before I signed the contract, I asked myself three questions about the edited story: was it a lie, would it hurt anyone, and did it have merit. Those questions were the gift in this process. I’ll print them and stick them on the bulletin board to use as criteria for future writing projects.  Even though this wasn’t an ideal situation, it did build my confidence and I’m encouraged to try more submissions.

Creative Retreat

I’m reading Madeleine L’Engle’s (1918-2007)autobiographical book “Circle of Quiet”.  I love gaining insight into other creative minds; relating their struggles to mine; finding comfort in their triumphs. The title of the book relates to a place where she escaped the chaos in her life; a place that allowed her to reconnect with that circle of quiet that helped her find her true self. In her case, that place was a natural stone bridge over a stream on the property of Crosswicks, her family home.

Last week I watched SCBWI’s  interview with picture book author, Tomie dePaola. He talks about refueling his creativity by looking at art, listening to music, watching theater. He mentions his need for a space where he goes to create; a space undisturbed by distractions.

I used to have such a space.  At our last house,  I had a studio in the backyard. When I closed the studio door, no dogs, no people, no phones intruded. It was my creative sanctuary. We moved two years ago, and the only place to set up my studio in the new house was an extra bedroom. It’s crammed with art supplies, paintings and prints. There’s a small space for easels, but I’ve yet to have the urge to create there.

Right now, as I type, my catahoula hound is barking outrageously at my husband who is mowing the yard. The Jack Russell adds his yips to the cacophony. If they’re not barking at someone walking by, they’re wrestling at my feet. The phone can be turned off, but the doorbell can’t. Dustdevils vex me, food tempts me, laundry cries to be washed. There’s no end to the distractions that sabotage creative focus.

It’s been way too long since I refueled with music or dance or theater. Way too long since I retreated to a special place to find my circle of quiet.  My creative energy feels like it’s running on the last vestiges of a back-up battery.

Writing Isn’t a Fantasy

When people find out I’ve written a novel, they wonder why it isn’t already at the publisher or at the very least, being submitted. They gasp when I tell them if I sent it now, it’d be in a slush pile.  I started my first book last year in January.  I was never naive enough to think I didn’t have a lot to learn and like everything else, the more education you get, the more you discover you need. 

I read books on writing for children and researched online.  I practiced what I learned on my blog and in every email I sent.  I wrote and wrote.  After a few months, I got up the nerve to join a critique group.  Snip, snip, snip; my chapters are cut up, then remade.  I listened to my work read aloud.  What is that racket?  Where’s the poetry, the music?  I printed out the chapters and took them to bed with me.  They burned behind my eyelids,  waking me up for more revision in the wee hours of the morn.

Recently, I joined a new critique group; one specifically for children’s book writers.  They’ve seen the first four chapters and guess what?  They offer more praise than suggestions!  Not only is that motivation for me to continue, but it makes all the hard work worthwhile. I’m still doing battle with dastardly adverbs and passive verbs, but my pen is sharper.  I hope one day my manuscript will rest, clean and polished inside a manila envelope, waiting for that positive response to a query.

Blowing the Creative Socket

I’ve been busy as a beaver writing.  I joined a new SCBWI book group last month. I’ve belonged to the Florida Writer’s Assosiation since November and learned so much, but I felt the need to connect with children’s writers.  Last week, I submitted two chapters of my novel for the new group to critique.  I came home charged up with writing energy. 

I’m going to need that energy!  A couple weeks ago, on a whim, I emailed Lisa Michaels, a Florida illustrator/writer.  Lisa is a treasure vault of children’s book knowledge.  She runs several blogs, plus her own site, a successful children’s writers’ online group and has just started an online group for Florida’s west coast illustrators.  On top of that, she teaches art classes and writes and illustrates books. I get tired just thinking about her schedule. You can see Lisa’s work at her Whimsical Scribbles site http://wscribbles.blogspot.com/ .  While you’re there, check out the links.  You’ll be glad you did.

Lisa invited me to join her illustrator’s site.  I’m honored and excited to be a part of this talented group.  But now, the question is, can I keep up with all this activity?  I’m not a super woman like Lisa.  I don’t have endless energy and I get easily bogged down in life’s every day challenges.  The schedule I’ve set for myself requires two to three chapters of my novel submitted every two weeks to the SCBWI group and one chapter submitted every other week to the FWA group.  Somewhere I have to squeeze in time to do artwork for picture book projects and I have several stories in draft stages to submit to different publications.

This week, I had minor surgery.  I’ve used my recuperation time to make progress on the novel.  I have three chapters ready for the next two critiques, and I’m working on the next three.  After editing chapters all day yesterday, I sat back at the computer after dinner.  At 7:30, I was bleary- eyed with not an ounce of creative energy left.  I asked the computer to save the file.  It told me I already had a file by that name; did I want to replace that file? I mistakenly said “yes.”  Just like that, I erased a chapter I didn’t mean to erase. Thank goodness for my husband who insists on back up files.  The moral of this story is, quit before your brains are scrambled!

The Check Was in the Mail

I sent in my first illustration submissions to SCBWI for their Bulletin magazine five weeks ago.  I haven’t heard back from them and don’t know their average response time. 

Two nights ago, I opened my mail just before going to bed.  There was an SCBWI envelope.  I figured it was a membership renewal notice.  To my surprise, it was a check.  My first publication payment!  It’s barely enough to pay for a tank of gas in my small economy car, but the boost to my confidence is priceless.

I don’t have a clue which of the three drawings I sent will be used.  It says on the check, payment is for the May/June 2009 issue. It’s a surprise I can’t wait to open.  If any of you  SCBWI members  read this blog, when you open the next Bulletin and see my illustration, imagine me doing a happy dance.

Critique Longing

I’m withering from lack of critique group contact.  I’ve missed a few meetings for one reason or another and have been making do with email feedback.  Maybe seasoned writers don’t have need of peer support, but I can’t imagine doing without.  Every other week, I travel to the Barnes and Noble bookstore where we hold our meetings, clutching my latest manuscript pages with anticipation.  I never fail to come away refreshed and eager to improve my writing.

Not only do I learn from peers’ comments on my writing, but I sharpen my skills by reading and commenting on the work of group members.  Often, I see ways to improve other manuscripts that I can easily apply to my own.  Mistakes stand out when you’re reading something you’re not emotionally attached to.

This month, I submited a query letter for critique.  I’m so grateful to have someone to pester about the submission process.   I feel like my work will appear much more professional because of the guidance I’ve recieved.  So, here’s to critique groups everywhere.  Long may you thrive!

Doubt Muted

Last week, I sent in my first illustration submissions.  How hard was that?  It wasn’t too bad.  I just had to remember to turn off my emotions, once the illustrations were done and the publisher chosen.  Otherwise, the little voice in my head nitpicks every line in the drawings and that evil old curmudgeon, “Doubt” ,  denies they could ever be valuable to such an esteemed publication as SCBWI’s Bulletin. 

This week, my first query letter is being reviewed by my critique group.  I’ve written a three part story about our rescue dog, Ella and I hope to send it along with the query to Cricket magazine.  Doubt mumbles I’m aiming too high.  I refuse to have a conversation with this character until I hear from my writer friends.

It’s hard enough learning a new field and struggling to send your first attempts into the world, without the negative voices inside belittling your efforts.  But for this week, at least, I pushed the mute button.